My Fema (grandmother) who taught me to take pleasure in the little things, the important things in life and who my most cherished childhood memories are with. She will forever remain in my heart and in my thoughts.

Friday, March 26, 2010

A SOS...or...not!

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SOS?  No? Ok, just me then.

26MAR10 10:45am pst - I write this as a testament of the horrors I am enduring of this 26TH day of March.  In case no one ever finds my body, tell my kids I love them.  I am issuing a plea for help.  I am currently being held captive.  Death is imminent. 

26MAR10 11:45am pst - They have me surrounded.  They fill the halls, they are in every room.  I try not to make eye contact as I believe they can sense fear.  Death is imminent. 

26MAR10 12:45pm pst -They watch my every move and have thus far thwarted ever effort I have made to alert authorities.  Any attempt to escape will be futile.  There is no escape.  Death is imminent.

26MAR10 1:15pm pst - It started with one or two and stealthily they have multiplied.  I have counted at least eleventybillion of them.  Their presence may seem innocent enough to the passerby.  Death is imminent.

26MAR10 1:40pm pst - I have asked for parley, and have invoked the Geneva Convention.  These actions on my part may be in vain as these captors do not follow a civil code of conduct.  Death is imminent.

26MAR10 2:00pm pst - Without concern of safety for myself I have taken a picture of said captives to allow you to see the horrors I face. 

 I believe this is the leader, suspicions not yet confirmed!

 These are the corner watchmen.  From what I can gather, they are called Fred!

26MAR10 2:45pm pst - Something is touching me.  They mock my pain.  Death is imminent.

26MAR10 2:52pm pst - This is my last update as I have stopped freaking out long enough  decided to look up Crane Fly in Wikipedia, discovering their innocence.

Note to self:  Research before listening to the little voices in your head.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Ode to IKEA...or something

Bright blue building with the happy yellow letters (like kryptonite those letters are).  You greet me with your food options and free child care (am not convinced the mean child care lady doesn't eat the children). 

You are concerned for my time such that you assist me with your tape measures (constantly breaking I need 10 of them to get through one section and your wee papers and pencils which poke holes through the paper because you have nothing to put the waxy anti-pencil paper on).

I marvel at your selection of pine plywood and oak 4x4 furniture with everything placed just so.  Every section so well organized (with names I can't pronounce and no English translation...not even a sometimes y)

Your lanes (lanes which if you go the wrong way on people get all yell-y and you get stuck in a black hole you can never get out of) are stocked with everything a person could want (and things which we have no idea on earth what they possibly are, we all need a fcdshf for our sdfkldsjc).

When I get your lovely (5,000,000 metric ton) boxes home, your instructions (you need to be on acid to I can find item a,b and c when they are marked x,y and z) with the wee little man (I hate that little man, he mocks me to this day) and the useful tools (my 4 year old has better playschool tools...hate the little stabby, oweee, pinchy tools).

Thank you IKEA for (ruining my nails and shins and knees) your wonderful cheap furniture. 

p.s.  my house may or may not be 50% IKEA products...more like 75%...shameful!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Want to be Queen...just for the Hats!

Today is International Women's Day.  The woman I recognize is Queen Elizabeth II and I swear it's not just because of her hats.  Her Majesty is a woman with class hats, with grace hats, with conviction hats, with integrity hats and a woman with a heart hats and soul hats that means to be Queen of hats.   Queen Elizabeth II from the house of Windsor hats is what all women should be.  She has done everything from being a truck driver and mechanic in the Women's Auxiliary Territorial Service while wearing a hat (albeit OD Green) to being the ruler of The Commonwealth Realms hats: United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Jamaica, Barbados, Bahamas, Grenada, Papua New Guinea, Solomon Islands, Saint Vincent, Tuvalu, Saint Lucia, The Grenadines, Belize, Antigua, Barbuda and Saint Kitts and Nevis.  

Queen Elizabeth II has always put right hats above popular.  She rules with strength hats, compassion hats and an unwavering moral sense hats.  She exemplifies what all women should strive to be and wear (i.e. hats).  

A few pictures of this amazing woman hats, yes?

So today I celebrate Queen Elizabeth hats.  Here's to hoping we can all strive to have a bit of QEII in us all and her hats on our heads.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Moooving Daaaaay!!!

Wanna know what I did this past weekend (by I, I mean my family while I messed about).  I (we) moved.  Moved into the truck, moved out of the truck.  Moved in the sun, moved in the rain.  Moved so much stuff we could have furnished a small third world country.  I will not move again...not with a fox, not in a box, not wearing sox...

For your viewing entertainment I have attached some photos.  Although you do not see me moving anything in them, I assure you that I was very busy playing on the wheel-y thing-y and picture taking
Union Supervisor on site.  There will be no dilly-dallying.
                               This break will be coming out of your paycheck!
Moving Crew...I haz one!

Movin On Up out of the ghetto

Not pictured:  Me inside with a cool drink.  What?  It was hot.