AROUND THE WORLD IN 2 HOURS

I have been sparsely here or rather not at all.  I meant to, I had good intentions but how can you expect me to miss out on things like: prime time television, sloth and laziness.  Well, fret no longer I say.  I have a wonderful story to tell you of world travel, exotic places, faraway lands and...perhaps I embellish...perhaps. 

We start our journey in the Ukraine.







See, I told you.  World travel!

 Just a hop, skip and a jump (literally) to Poland.



Did I go to Poland for the sausages? 
Yes, yes I did.



Proper Polish setting.

 



Traditional Polish Attire. 







 



 





After Poland we make our way all the way (5 steps) to Ireland.





Celtic Thunder!  Anyone?  No?  Just me then.



Michael Flatley would be proud.







 



The next obvious step after Ireland...Finland duh!

I may have started an International Incident.
Apparently you can't touch stuff in Finland!







 

Germany is right next to Finland.  You mean you didn't know that?




Ahhh my roots...unless, my mom was really friendly
with the milk man.  The jury is still out.



The reason my family left Germany?  Fashion, fashion, fashion!



  



Visiting Israel after Germany.  Gotta say, a bit weird.  Germany was all "Israel is touching me:"  and Israel was all "We were here first, stay on your own side".  Talk about drama sheeeesh!













Wondering if this counts as the Mitzvah; visiting
the Holy Land.  I gather the Rabbi would disagree.



I hate the glare of the glass.  Why not leave it open?  Oh wait, oh yeah.  (see Finland)



 



 





Apparently the Philippines were closed today.                                                 





No one gets in to see the wizard!  Not no one, not no how!



France!  Oui Oui and such (seriously? A whole year of French and that is the best i can do?  Ummmm, yeah!)                                                                                                                                                 



 

I see London, I see France, I see....

  


I want it all!


                                                    

 Squeee!!! My favorite destination Ever!



Like a beacon calling to me.

"This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England" -Richard II, Act 2






Only the most amazing person ever!  LOOOOVE HER!

My new buddy and I.  Oh, England I never want to leave you.

Next stop on our adventure...

Don't know what is says, but oh so pretty.



Must have...would totally wear.

 On to my second love following England.

Gordon Ramsay (1/2 Scottish) & George McDonald = 2 reasons to go to Scotland







Want a kilt...want...want...WANT!

Coming to an end of our tour of the world we have...



 

Capitol One...What's in your wallet?

 and...







Sharks vs. Jets



Thank you all for coming along with me on my tour Around the World in 2 Hours.  I just heart Balboa Park.  You should check it out.  www.balboapark.org





 

Beware the Jabberwocky!

There are evil things about.  Things in our world that we need to take a stand as a people and fix.  There are the commonly known things like: disease, Mel Gibson, famine, failing economy, green house effect, Sarah Palin, poverty and Jihad.  Then there are the not so common things; which in my opinion are a far greater threat.  Let's look at each of these.

1.  Velour pants:  This bastardization of the pant is a real and present threat against our senses.  It attacks our sense of sight, our sense of sound (you know who you are, big thigh people walking with your swoosh swoosh) and our sense of fashion.  Coco Chanel would be apalled.

 

This is never a good idea.

Someone call the ASPCA...

and CPS!

2.  Baggy saggy pants:  also known as an official "F&^% YOU!" to the fashion industry.  "Are you tired of pulling your regular normal persons pants down around your ass, then walking like you are wearing a full diaper so they won't fall?  Well do we have the answer for you..."

Does this really look ok to anybody?  What the hell...I...if...but...there are no words.

3.  Shoes for dogs:  I don't think you heard me..SHOES FOR DOGS, for animals...shoes...over the paws...shoes...to protect their feet, FROM WHAT...the ground their paws were intended to walk on???  What kind of animal injustice is this and why isn't the ASPCA out bitch slapping these people.  I call for an up rise of all dogs to protect thier doggie friends that are being tortured in this most vicious way.

What did this poor pup ever do to anyone?  Not captioned; puppies thoughts; "FML"

This has got to be the animal equivalent of kiddy porn.  You know what she lost back there?  Her DIGNITY, that's what. 

4.  Pimped out transportation:  The holy grail of human stupidity.  This is why aliens don't come to earth, there all laughing at us.  They don't want their friends to see them hanging out with a species that does shit like this...

Again, no words.

Who is the market for this and why are they allowed out in public?

It's a Chevy truck...a TRUCK...made for hauling.  This monstrosity will scrape the ground empty.  I refuse to believe a person can drive this with even an ounce of dignity.

For those of you who even look at this and think "this thing is cool" natural selection should start with you. 

Don't think I forgot about you, you pathetic group of people.  I just shake my head and hope your moonshine has rendered you sterile.

5.  The furry boots/inappropriate boot wearing:  Women, if you want to be treated seriously and respected for your mind I suggest you rethink making your feet look like a clydesdale's.

 

She must have lost her damn mind! 

...because nothing says star like furry boots and jammy pants.

That concludes..oh wait, silly me, here I thought furry boots were a travesty made only by women

I stand corrected...and a little embarrassed.

Now by no means does this complete the list of dangers plaguing our society, but my eyes are bleeding and I haven't the strength to discuss why 80's hair is the devil.

And we wonder why the rest of the world hates us.                                                                                    

                                                                                  

Monterey: Sardines and Sea Horses

This past weekend we were in Monterey hanging out with friends and family.  We had plans to go the the Monterey Aquarium, I thought I was going to be disappointed.  I had been to the Long Beach Aquarium and was very disappointed.  Within the first 5 minutes of the Monterey Aquarium, I realized what an Aquarium should look like.  The adults and kids had a blast and met some strange characters (captions may or may not have been approved by the Monterey Aquarium (I'm guessing may not)).

                                                          This is Harry, he is not amused! 

Harry's Bi-Polar and slightly Skitsophrenic brother.

I will love him, and I will call him SQUISHYYYY!

This is Paul: He is a single black/white male, who loves the water and is looking for a serious relationship.

Shelly; plotting the death of that cheating bastard of a...uh, um needing some alone time.

After our wonderful time at the Aquarium we went to the Sardine Factory.  Never been before, but I highly recommend (unless you go and get salmonella or E. Coli, in which case I said nothing)!

The ceiling of the outdoor seating of the Sardine Factory.  Lovely, just lovely!

The bathroom of the Sardine Factory.  Why? Because it is freakin awesome, that's why!

Tell me why this orange-ish tomato-y butter spread was awesome.

Appitizer heaven.  Left: battered artichoke heart; Middle: shrimp; Right: crab cakes in all their yumminess.

Onion crisps topping a steak should be the rule, always...no really, ALWAYS!

This completes our day trip to Monterey; please tip your tour guide.